Those things no one talks about.... In support of my childhood

I am currently in the middle of a study and survey to see what common people feel about sex offenders and our country's current sex offender registry. This is not what the post is about (that will come when I finish collecting data and followup surveys), but it lends to my current understanding of what I am about to write..

I know many of you will not agree with me. I know this is a very sensitive subject. I believe someone has to say it aloud. Someone has to not be worried about getting bashed for defending the "child molester".

Before you get your commenting fingers ready I do not mean to defend child molester's of their crimes. I am not even going to rant about punishments fitting crimes today.

Today, I want to talk about Father Andrew McCormick, or Father Andy, as so many of my classmates affectionately knew him.

I will link the news stories here in a moment so you can gather your own (unbiased?) news information, but first let me tell you the story as I see it.

An unnamed accuser of 26 years of age, (I am 29 now, so had to be in one of my siblings classes or between two of them, we were all close together), claims that Father Andrew molested him and attempted to force oral sex. The accuser claims it is because his mother asked Fr. Andy for help, believing her son was gay. The accuser mentions severe mental distress, feelings of suicidal urges, a drug addiction and many other resounding and painful consequences from the incident.

Here are the links, as they can tell the story with, hopefully, less bias:

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20131215_Five_priests_removed_from_ministry_amid_abuse_allegations__two_restored_to_duty.html

http://www.inquirer.com/local/pa/philadelphia/20140306_Former_altar_boys_testify_in_priest_s_defense.html?authenticated=1394080575363

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/altar-boy-reveals-grim-details-philadelphia-priest-sex-abuse-article-1.1706488

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20140225_Gag_ordered_in_latest_trial_of_a_priest.html

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20140228_Prosecution__Priest_targeted_then_assaulted_boy__10.html

I used a few sources, and some have repetitive information, but I wanted to be varied in the voices I used to set the stage.

Priests and other professions where there is constant contact with children, such as teaching, do have a slightly higher rate of alleged pedophilia. It is a scary truth. It is why we must be extra vigilant with the people to whom we entrust our children.

I knew Father Andy well. I remember finding excuses to drag out my volunteer work, not wanting to go home and do chores or be grounded as I usually was. I remember the trips my brothers took as altar boys. I remember how he let me debate him (as if I had the right to debate an adult), about whether or not our parish was ready to allow female altar servers.

I remember how he would have the ladies at the rectory give us ice cream and Pepsi when we were folding all the flyers that would be delivered door to door by the older kids and adult volunteers. I remember the very first time I met him (or what I think was the first time). Father Andy was a big part of my very Catholic childhood living less than a block from my church and parochial school.

I am a survivor of sexual assault. I find it hard to believe anyone would want to lie about having gone through that embarrassment and turmoil and terrible experience. I find it hard to believe anyone would want that label. The accuser says he isn't suing for money. They say he has a good job. He has overcome the addiction and mental issues that this alleged incident has caused. No one, not even the defense attorney can suggest the alleged victim is lying.

Why? Because what if he isn't? How could we possibly make a victim feel like it was a bad idea to come forward? We WANT EVERY single victim, every SURVIVOR to come forward and name their attackers. We want people to know it is SAFE to come forward and you will be protected and supported. So how can we ever doubt almost anyone who comes forward?

(I was told I was lying by some of the people closest to me. I was told it was consensual. I was told I was depressed and disturbed. I would never want to say those things to someone else if there was even a percentage of a percent chance I was wrong.

So I won't. I won't say Father Andy is absolutely innocent. I won't say the alleged victim is lying. I wasn't there. I DO NOT know. And I think that is what eats at me the most. I cannot be certain, and I really, really want to be, one way or the other)

So we take it to trial. Obviously no one can fool 12 people with the sole purpose of deciding what is true and what is false. Right?? The guilty are always convicted. The innocent always go free and have their lives cheerfully restored.

Except that isn't what is being decided. Guilt or Innocence will not be determined. That was determined many years ago on the day of the alleged crime.

The jury is deciding if the prosecution did a good enough job proving guilt. They are deciding if the defense did a good enough job maintaining innocence. They are deciding if they believe the accuser. They are deciding if they believe the accused.

The prosecutor is speaking about the socialization Father Andy had with all of us as children.  She is calling it "grooming behavior". And you know what. It did groom me. It groomed me to stop and pay attention to people below my station in the eyes of society. It groomed me to truly believe every voice should be heard with respect. It groomed me to believe in going out of your way to be kind on a daily basis. It groomed me to believe that religion has something to offer people no matter what you truly believe. It groomed me to be a more compassionate and loving person.

All the comments being spewed on these news stories and other posts and articles about this case are hateful.

They say things like "fry him" and what a horrible man Father Andy must be.

My 5 siblings and I just shake our heads in disbelief. We wrote letters in support to the defense lawyer. We speculate over who the accuser could possibly be, as if that would give us some clue as to why our childhood memories are being ripped apart and called into question.

I get angry when their are comments from people who met him just once and 'sensed something was off" and "knew there was something wrong with him". I get saddened beyond belief at the comments from people who never met him but say he "looks like a pedophile" and "I would never trust someone who looks like that with my kids".

I have scraped and shaken my memory looking for some hint that I could be wrong, that he could be guilty and I do not see it. I personally know assaults come when they are least expected from people we trust. I still cannot fathom it.

Maybe I am wrong and God forgive me for doubting the accuser if I am. God forgive the accused even more for abusing my undying faith in him and the faith of so many like me if that is the case.

But what if I am right? What if my siblings and classmates are right? What if he is truly innocent?

Chances are he will be found guilty anyway. And if he isn't? He will be doubted for the rest of his life. This generation of parochial school children will be deprived of the great influence Father Andy had on my childhood as will the next and the next. A good man's reputation will always be in question no matter the verdict.

If found innocent his supporters will sing it from the rooftops but it will not be enough. A google search of his name will always bring up the case. There will always be people that no matter how overwhelming the cries of Thanksgiving, they will look for doubt. People will complain how yet another "molester got away with it" and how we need to "fry them all".

Sexual assaults are unlike any other crime. Once accused, you are guilty. This is especially true if the alleged victim is a child. We all know it. Charges for sexual assault are so broad we often do not even know what the actual crime was just by looking at the charge.

If he is found guilty, some supporters will be in shock and disbelief. Some will be angry at him for deceiving them. Some will still claim his innocence loudly, some will mumble it quietly after Sunday mass, and people who never knew him will still rant and rave about how his sentence isn't enough or how he got what he deserved.

Innocent or guilty, this man's life will never be the same. No matter the verdict, so many of our childhoods are being called into question.

Say an extra prayer tonight that justice is done, and that all involved find peace in their hearts and minds and souls. No matter the verdict, and no matter the truth of the events of that Holy day of obligation a decade and a half ago, both the accused and the accuser need our prayers.

My childhood memories are anxiously awaiting the verdict. Child me is over there sitting quietly, biting her nails on the sly so as not to be scolded, with questions and fear in her eyes looking at the adult me for answers. Answers I will never have.